All Eyes On You, Boo. 10 Ways To Own The Room.
Learn how to exude unfu*withable confidence and self-awareness no matter what 'room' you're in with these 10 tips.
Are you ready to exude unfu*withable confidence and self-awareness no matter what 'room' you're in? Look no further, because we’ve compiled a list of 10 ways that will help you take control and command attention like a #boss.
Whether you’re headed to the club, on a first date, going out with friends, grabbing a venti latte, or just hangin’ with yourself, these tips will help you radiate confidence and charisma, even when you may be feeling nervous and not all that self-assured.
So let’s dive in and learn how to make it all eyes on you, boo!
1. Confidence is key.
We all know confidence is crucial when it comes to owning a room and making an impact. When you believe in yourself and are comfortable in your skin, it effortlessly shows in your body language and the way you speak.
But as human beings, we’re not always in the energy of confidence … especially if we’re headed into a ‘room’ we’re unfamiliar with, like going on a first date or hanging out with a new group of friends.
So how do you get into that energy when you’re not really feelin’ it?
You fake it ‘til you make it. Seriously, this works.
Give yourself a confidence-boosting pep-talk by repeating these mantras (in your head or in front of the mirror before you head out):
- I am strong.
- I am smart.
- I look amazing.
- Things always work out for me.
- I am worthy of love and respect.
- I will not let fear hold me back.
- I have everything I need to accomplish everything I want.
- I love myself.
- I can handle anything that comes my way.
Have fun with this. Whatever you’d say to your bestie before a big event to light her up, say to yourself.
Body language counts too! It sends a signal to your brain that you’re in charge and in control. So be sure to stand tall, make eye contact, and don't be afraid to take up space. We’ll talk a lot more about this topic later.
2. Know your audience.
If you wanna own the room, you need to know who’s going to be in it.
That doesn’t mean you need a list of names and bios - it’s more about anticipating the ‘vibe’ based on where you’re going to be. By taking the time to understand who you’ll be interacting with, you can tailor your body language, attitude, and energy to fit the situation best.
Sometimes it’s referred to as ‘matching energy.’ This nonverbal technique involves mirroring a person’s body language, vocal qualities, or attitude.
Have you ever met someone for the first time and felt immediately at ease and comfortable in their presence? They knew how to do this well, and you can learn how to do it too.
The next time you’re out, try these tips and see if it affects how others respond to you, enhances their level of interest in you, and make note of how it affects how YOU feel, too:
- Matching physiology: This body language includes mirroring posture, gestures, and facial expressions of those you're interacting with. Do this sparingly, otherwise, it may come off as creepy.
- Matching language and vocal patterns. This might include speech rate, volume, tonality, and pitch. You might also want to restate key phrases the other person uses.
Remember this isn’t about being fake or adopting a false persona, it’s more about being able to adapt to whatever ‘audience’ you find yourself in, and making those around you feel comfortable and at ease with you.
3. Use your body language to your advantage.
Body language is a powerful tool that can speak louder than words. Nonverbal cues like eye contact, posture, and gestures can convey confidence, interest, seduction, and can even help you attract and persuade others.
In our founder’s book, Mojo Makeover - 4 Weeks To A Sexier You, Dana B. Myers gives a ton of tips on body language to use if you’re out looking to hook a hottie. She suggests practicing these in a mirror to see what feels natural, and then try it for real out in the wild to see how they work for you:
- Holding a gaze: When someone catches your eye, make sure they see you looking at them. When they notice your gaze, look away, then do it again. It’s a flirtatious power move that is unmistakable.
- Showing your curves: Stand with your back arched ever so slightly to give off super seductive, feminine vibes without having to say a thing.
- Winking: This one’s hot. And again, an unmistakable flirtatious power move.
If you’re not looking to attract a specific person and just want to exude a commanding presence, there are a few simple ways you can position your body, like standing tall with your shoulders squared, and keeping your arms loose and uncrossed. Keep your head up and look straight out instead of at the floor, too. These gestures convey authority and ‘openness’ that unconsciously resonates with anyone around you that you’re fully in your power and confident (even if you’re not totally feeling that way).
4. Be present.
When you are fully focused on the present moment, you are able to give your full attention to any conversation or activity which can make you more engaged and interesting to others. It also amps up your sex appeal and confidence levels.
Ever have anyone make you feel like you’re the center of attention? Yeah, it’s like that when you put all your eyes (and ears) on another, too.
So how can you become more present and embodied in the moment? Here are a few exercises you can do to help:
- Repeat this phrase silently to yourself three times: “Now is the time to be aware of this present moment.”
- Turn your attention toward the sounds you hear. Allow them to wash over you and focus only on the current sound you are hearing, not the one you just heard or any sound you may hear next.
- Focus on your bodily sensations: your arms resting on your lap, your legs on the chair or folded up underneath you, the feel of your clothing on your skin, any pain or muscle aches, any twitches or flutterings, and any other sensations you might be feeling.
- Turn your focus to the thoughts going through your head. Observe them as they enter your mind, swirl around your consciousness, then exit your mind.
- Focus on your breathing. Notice your natural breathing pattern and take note of how your chest rises and falls with each breath.
All of these tips will help ground you in the present moment. Play with this while you’re out and about in your daily life; at the grocery store, shopping, at work - and take notice of how it feels in your body. When you can master maintaining presence, there’s no stopping you when you’re looking to command a room or attract attention.
5. Practice active listening.
Active listening involves giving someone your full attention and really listening to what they have to say, rather than just waiting for your turn to speak. This means making eye contact, nodding, and asking questions to show that you are interested and engaged in the conversation.
Practicing active listening will turn you into an attraction magnet. By being present and genuinely interested in others, you can build stronger relationships that are meaningful and leave a lasting, positive impression on anyone you engage with.
As with any skill, you can learn how to do this well by:
- Facing the person you’re speaking to and maintaining eye contact (look at the bridge of their nose if you find this intimidating at first).
- “Listen” to non-verbal cues too (Are they crossing their arms? They’re closed off. Open arms at their side? Receptive).
- Listen without judging, or jumping to conclusions - just be in the moment.
- Don't start planning what to say next - that’s not active listening.
- Don't impose your opinions or solutions unless you’re asked. Just listen.
- Stay focused on the conversation.
- Ask questions.
Challenge yourself to get better at this by practicing this skill at work or with friends before you head out to ‘own the room’ - you’ll be surprised at how easy this skill is to master, and how quickly you’re able to create connections with people you just met.
6. Be authentic.
We know you’ve heard this advice before. And it’s solid, right? NEVER try to be someone you're not. Like … ever.
But if you’re like many of us, actually figuring out who your authentic self is may take some internal discovery.
Let’s break down some ways on how you can do this:
- Determine what you like and don’t like. Knowing your ‘likes’ and ‘dislikes’ is powerful. When it comes to activities, work, relationships, and hobbies, do you KNOW who you are?
Try starting with a “Knowing Me” project. Every day, reflect on what aspects of the day made you feel good, bad, and everything in between. It could be as simple as jotting your daily experiences down in your phone to understand what brings you joy and what takes it away.
After about a week, you can look to see what patterns or trends emerge.
- Own your gifts. Your gifts are a combination of your life experiences, personality, and unique traits. They are what make you so extra-specially YOU. Your gifts can range from being a talented singer to being an excellent listener. They can be tangible like being an excellent cook or intangible like having high levels of emotional intelligence.
Not sure what your gifts are? ASK! Reach out to your most trusted relationships and ask them what they think are the most significant things you uniquely offer the world. You’ll be surprised by what others see in you.
The most important part here is then OWNING those gifts. Don’t just know them, but use them and harness them in your life.
- Live your values. So many of us claim their values as our reasons for certain decisions or ways of being. But have you taken the time to define them for yourself? When you know the words that truly represent your values (such as creativity, belonging, adventure, health) you can use them as both a compass AND a guardrail for how and where you’re showing up in life.
By defining and living in your values, every day is filled with a sense of purpose and connection to your authentic self. The key is shedding the values we willingly took on to make others proud and aligning with the ones that make YOU proud.
And by being authentic, you build stronger relationships, communicate more effectively, and you DEFINITELY make more of an impact with your presence. Just be you, boo.
7. Know your worth.
Knowing your worth is an essential life skill. When you truly know your worth, you can’t help but be confident and attract the attention you desire. Remember, everyone has something valuable to contribute, so believe in yourself and your value.
But much like being authentic, many struggle with figuring out exactly what their worth is (and fully accepting that they are worthy).
Look, you gotta own YOU before you can own any room.
Use these tips to help guide you:
- Identify your strengths and develop them - this is similar to owning your gifts!
Self-esteem is built by demonstrating real ability and achievement in areas of our lives that matter to us. If you pride yourself on being a good cook, throw more dinner parties. If you’re a good runner, sign up for races and train for them. In short, figure out your core competencies and find opportunities to accentuate them.
- Accept all compliments
Set yourself the goal to RECEIVE compliments when you get them, even if they make you uncomfortable (and they may sometimes). Prepare simple set responses and train yourself to use them automatically whenever you get good feedback (e.g., “Thank you” or “How kind of you to say”). In time, the impulse to deny or rebuff compliments will fade, and you’ll be able to graciously accept them as truths!
- Be compassionate toward yourself
Whenever your self-critical inner monologue kicks in, ask yourself what you would say to a friend if they were in your situation and say it to yourself. No more self-betrayal!
The bottom line is improving your sense of worth sometimes requires a bit of inner work, as it involves developing and maintaining healthier emotional habits. But practicing these tips will help you strengthen your inner baddie, and know on a foundational level that you are worthy. When you can master that, your confidence levels will skyrocket, and you’ll feel safe and welcome in any room.
8. Take care of yourself.
Confidence 👏 starts 👏 with 👏 self-care 👏.
This means taking the time to get enough sleep, eating well, exercising regularly, and managing stress. You are your most important ‘asset’, so treat it like you would anything you feel is valuable and precious.
Pampering yourself is part of self-care, too. It’s not a luxury, it’s a necessity. Think about it … how is your energy affected when you feel beautiful, sexy, having a great hair day, wings on point with that cat eye … do you feel unstoppable? Confident? Attractive? Maybe a little extra seductive and flirtatious? Hows your mood? Do you feel happier overall and in a great mood?
You have the power to put yourself in that energy EVERY. DAY.
So if you’re guilty of putting yourself and your needs last, stop that ‘ish right now, and begin indulging in the finer things (which is YOU, by the way).
And you don’t need to blow the rent doing it, OR add tons of time to your morning routine either.
The key to self care is incorporating it into the things you’re already doing. Do you use lotion every day? Take it an extra step and make that skin firm and radiant while you slather on that moisture.
Rock a signature scent. If it’s infused with attraction-boosting pheromones, even better. Keep the bottle by the door and douse as you walk out. It may only take a second, but you’ll feel like a million by just taking that small extra step.
By taking care of yourself, you improve your energy, focus, and overall well-being, which can help you exude confidence in any situation.
Additionally, taking care of yourself can boost your self-esteem, which like we’ve mentioned is a powerful foundation for confidence. Give yourself permission to put yourself first, and you send the signal to your brain that you’re valuable, important, and worthy of whatever you want to have.
9. Embrace your quirks and imperfections.
Let’s break this down … the word ‘imperfection’ is literally the words ‘I’m’ and ‘Perfection’ mashed together. Nobody is perfect, and trying to be can be exhausting and ultimately unsuccessful. Instead, it's important to embrace your unique qualities and let them shiiiine.
This means being comfortable with who you are and not trying to hide or change aspects of yourself that make you different (aka: memorable, interesting, different, unique … you get the picture).
By embracing your quirks and imperfections, you show the world that you’re cool with being YOU. So be true to yourself and don’t hide any of the things that make you special!
If you’re having difficulty with this, try saying these affirmations to yourself (either in your head or in front of a mirror) daily until they sink in and start to take root:
- There is only one me.
- I am genuine. I am real.
- I am miraculous just the way I am.
- I am worthy of love.
- What is most “imperfect” about me may in fact be my best qualities.
- I release the need for approval from others.
- My goal is wisdom, not perfection.
Write them in your phone, or set them as reminders to keep you in the energy of self acceptance. It may seem awkward at first, but words are powerful. And when you say them to yourself repeatedly, they’re transformative. We said it before, but it’s worth a restate: you gotta own you before you can own any room. So embrace yourself, babe, in all the fantastic, unique, interesting ways that you exist.
10. Practice makes perfect.
Practice makes perfect, and this is certainly true when it comes to owning the room. Confidence is a skill that can be developed and improved upon over time, and the more you put yourself in situations where you need to put yourself out there, the better you'll get at it.
Start small by saying the mantras and affirmations to yourself daily. Practice your body language in front of your mirror. Once you feel comfortable with that, begin branching out into the world! Start in safe places, like when you’re hanging out with friends or family. Then break out into unfamiliar spaces (maybe start surrounded by friends) and do monthly ‘work the room’ nights with your girlfriends in a safe space.
Remember, owning the room is all about believing in yourself and your abilities. With a little bit of patience, repetition, and practice, you'll be able to command attention and exude unfu*withable confidence in any situation.
Get out there and OWN IT, boo!
We’d love to hear from you! In what areas do you need to bolster your confidence the most? And how would it feel to turn that negative banter into a self-assured, loving affirmation? Drop a comment below and share your self-love.