Romance & Relationships
5 Easy Ways to Reignite Intimacy After Kids
A truly satisfying sex life after kids requires education, communication, commitment and confidence.
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Hey beauties, Dana here. Back to talk about intimacy after kids.
"parenthood can actually improve your sex life. Yep, I said it."
And if you’re a mama reading this? Well, we all know that being a mother brings many joys, but a phenomenal sex life is not usually one of them.
While parenting with a partner can be the most beautiful bonding experience, it can also be a breeding ground for resentment, romantic disconnect and unsatisfying sex.
But all is not lost to a life with little ones. As a mom of two, I attest to the fact that parenthood can actually improve your sex life. Yep, I said it. But here's the thing: you have to give it some attention. Great sex doesn't just happen on its own.
A truly satisfying sex life after kids requires education, communication, commitment and confidence. It asks that you shift your attitude from seeing sex as a chore to something pleasurable that you have the privilege of doing with the partner you love.
And I'm here to show you how.
These five easy methods worked wonders for me — and I think they'll work well for you, too.
1. Once a week, set aside an hour for sexy self-care.
Tell your partner that you're working on feeling good on your own — and let them know that the end goal is to feel good together.
During your self-care time:
- Watch yourself dance in the mirror — if you have judgmental thoughts, let them flow out of your mind, replaced by appreciation for what you see.
- Relax in a hot bath surrounded by a seductive scent. (Try lighting our Don’t Stop Massage Candle, you won’t be disappointed).
- Check in with your body. What areas need a little extra compassion? What areas make you feel sexy?
- Indulge in a sensual story — erotica can get your mind and body on the same page, setting the stage for time with your partner later.
- Relax, rest, and do your best to set your mental to-do list aside. When you're well-rested, your hormones are well-regulated, your libido is more likely to fire.
2. Change up your internal monologue.
Self-talk matters. Try saying the following in your mind throughout the day (even if you don't quite believe it yet):
“Sex with (partner's name) isn't a chore — it's a choice."
“I'm not obligated to enjoy intimacy — I get to enjoy intimacy."
“Today, I get to embrace my sexuality and show up with my partner."
It's easy to get stuck in a pattern of thoughts that makes you feel disconnected from — and even resentful of — the idea of sex. When you switch up your internal monologue, it's easier to take action toward intimacy.
3. Talk to your partner about 'touch without expectation.'
After I had my little one, there were times that I craved non-baby touch... but I hesitated. I was exhausted, and while I wanted to get comfort from hugging and kissing, I didn't want to feel obligated to take it any further.
Talking to your partner about touch without expectation can create a foundation for rekindling intimacy, even if it doesn't go any further than a hug or a kiss. It may take awhile for your partner to understand this concept, but it's worth some trial and error to get some romantic touch back into your life.
If you miss your partner's touch, let them know. It's ok to say that you just want a hug, kiss, or a cuddle — with the assurance that you're not going any further, your mind can relax and begin to remember just how good touch feels. Over time, this may lead to more — but no pressure.
4. Partner trying to connect? Give it two minutes.
If your partner reaches over to you in an attempt to be intimate, you might automatically try to shut down their bid for connection. My love — we've all been there.
Next time, try giving it just two minutes. Fully commit to intimacy for 120 seconds.
If you're not feeling it after two minutes, no worries. Gently let your partner know. Saying something like, "These kisses have been perfect — I can't wait to snuggle with you tonight," can be an easy way to tell them that you appreciate their efforts, but you're not down for more at the moment.
If you're feeling all-in after two minutes, keep going! Sometimes, giving your mind a chance to relax and your body a chance to get your hormones flowing can be all it takes to rev up your intimacy engine.
5. Remember (or learn!) what makes you feel good.
Whether you're ready to get down and dirty with your partner or not, pampering yourself with the Satisfied Mama Experience is the perfect way to start getting your sexy back.
It's got everything you need to get busy on your own (hello, USB-rechargeable vibrating wand and silky Add Magic Lubricant) and the perfect tools to start spicing things up with your partner (watch their eyes pop when you pull out a Good Girl/Bad Girl silk blindfold and our Skin Honey kissable body topping).
Mama, everything you need to feel sensual again is already within you — but there's nothing wrong with getting a little help. As a sexy woman who also happens to be a mother? I’m proud and excited to provide you with everything you need to reclaim your inner vixen.
What do you think? Which way will you try in your own relationship to reignite intimacy after kids? Drop a comment below and let us know.
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